Monday 28 May 2012

How can you navigate a children's party with your principles intact?

Party games at children's parties have become something of a pet hate of mine.  Parties have become a battle ground anyway.  A battle of mums to provide the very best; in location, entertainment, music, party bags, games and cake. 

Growing up in the 80s parties were much less fraught with 'keeping up the Jones'.  They were very traditional affairs.  The expectation was limited to a game of pass the parcel, a single balloon with a piece of cake in a party bag, and a dance around to music in your mates lounge.

With a heaving trade in parties at a variety of locations you find yourself trooping off to bowling alleys, ski villages, soft play centres and steam railway centres.  That's to name just a selection of party venues I've taken one or the other of my girls to over the last couple of years.

But where ever you are there usually comes a point where there will be a party game.

When was it, and who was it, that decided that all the children who lost the party game would get treats?  Who decided this?  Since when did we celebrate those that lost more than the one that won?  Along with the usual "it's not the winning, it's the taking part that counts" speech, we are teaching our children to not care about winning?


With the Olympics coming to the UK I'm not sure this is the right message we should be giving.

Soft play centres are the worst offenders in my experience.  A game of pass the parcel deteriorates, as the children that take a layer off the parcel early in the game all receive a sweet, wrapped in the layer of paper they've pulled off.  Those children become uninterested in the game and disappear off to play.  There's no excitement about who is going to get to open the last layer.  It's such a shame.  My abiding memory of the game, the excitement as the parcel approached, and knowing it was nearly the last layer, but not being 100% certain.  Now, since everyone gets a prize, and often all of equal size, it really doesn't matter if you get the last layer, or indeed any layer, as even those that don't get to unwrap usually get to pick a sweet out of a box afterwards.

We've had a few parties at home for our girls and initially we caved to the pressure and wrapped mini presents within the layers, enough for all children, with a slightly bigger one in the final layer.

But I am tempted to rebel.  I am tempted to go back to traditional, nothing in the layers until the end, pass the parcel.  I am tempted to teach our children that they don't always win.  Surely we should teach our children to be competitive and want to win?
 
It was our daughter's 6th birthday this week. What did we choose to do to celebrate?  We went to the cinema with 9 of her friends.  At £1 a ticket, with a little extra for popcorn snack boxes and a party bag each with a little stationary set, balloon and party cake, it didn't break the bank and there was no need for games.  That's one way to side step the issue!  Maybe the rebellion starts next time?!

16 comments:

  1. Brilliant! I too hate party games, but maybe I'm just a spoilsport. They are the invention of the devil and serve no purpose other than to cause arguments and tears. Those pass the parcels where the host has wrapped a personalised present under each layer and then has to make the parcel stop on a specific child in the correct order make me come out in a rash. Complete and utter madness.

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    1. Agreed. Utterly daft! Pretending to not look when controlling the music, but getting someone else to signal you when to stop. I've done that before and hated myself for it!

      No more!

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  2. So with you on this. My daughter wanted a party at home for her 6th a few weeks ago. My OH did the pass the parcel and 'forgot' to put sweets in the layers. But the kids are so used to it, that there was no expectation about the end present, more a cry of indignation about the lack of sweet. I half expected them to go on strike and demand their right to a small packet of chocolate buttons. Same with musical bumps, statues etc that she wanted to have at the party "Everyone should get a prize". I don't think so.

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    1. I agree. I can't work out when it started! Are we all so scared of upsetting our children at all that we will not teach them about life? Not everyone wins. It is a lesson better learnt early!

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  3. Pass the Parcel- its a minefield!! I've never heard of sweets in each layer either- talk about raising the bar. The cinema seemed like a great option to me.

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    1. It was fun. I even got to watch most of the film!

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  4. As a professional children's party game player (seriously I'm a children's magician) I heartily recommend staying away from all prizes. I don't play pass the parcel. However, a method to go half way between everyone winning and one winning is to have about 12 layers of parcel and put 3 small prizes into the middle of it, and one big one at the end.
    And then as soon as they are done, be prepared to zoom onto the next game/activity. There are very few tears if you immediately give the chance for affirmation/fun in the very next sentence you utter.

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    1. It's a good idea to certainly have more games lined up. Plenty more opportunities for different children to 'win'. Thanks for the advice. I appreciate you stopping by to share your experience. That must be a fun job! :-)

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  5. Some of my friends even insist on having the right number of layers in pass the parcel for the number of children coming to the party - madness if you ask me! My favourite game when I was a child was a bowl of flour made into a flour castle and then a piece of choc in the top. You took it in turns to cut it away until it fell over and then it you knocked it down you had to retrieve the chocolate and get a face full of flour. I LOVE chocolate so I made sure I cut off a large slice of flour!

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    1. Sounds like fun! I was a bit of a wimp with games like that though. I remember being told to dunk for apples after a 'flour' related game and I cried. Oh dear. Maybe I'm destined to only play sleeping fishes. :-)

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  6. Excellent post! And I'm totally in agreement. For our son's 1st b'day it was just family and I reckon the 2nd may be the same but a few close friends. As he gets older I realise the pressie will be on, but I'm sticking to my guns I feel simple traditional parties are not only more fun but it gives kids to bond and create good friendships.

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    1. Glad you like! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. :-)

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  7. Well this is a bit counter to the simple party idea, but we do reptile parties and there's no competition as such, so no winners and losers, but we let all the kids hold snakes, frogs and things like that. The children have a good time and they do get educated about reptile safety as well.
    Finish off with the crocodile cake and the kids go home happy as can be.

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    1. Well that's an idea I haven't yet come across! Thanks for letting us know about this alternative.

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  8. The time that I have a cake on my birthday is during my 4th birthday because it's the time when I saw the picture rather than it's no more cakes. That's why on childrens parties hampshire I surely say that they must have a cake in every birthday organize. Visit here

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    1. I really don't think that makes sense?! Please don't spam the comment boxes with poor grammar.

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